


Always

by 90shpchick



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Post-Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Smut, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 09:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15946412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/90shpchick/pseuds/90shpchick
Summary: Sirius is broken after escaping from Azkaban. Remus is also broken from letting Sirius go. Together they try to repair the damage done to them.





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This takes place after PoA and instead of Pettigrew escaping they are able to take him to Azkaban instead. Still Sirius has to recover at Grimmauld Place and Remus volunteers to be with him every step of the way. Padfoot was running on adrenaline before and now that Peter’s been caught Sirius’ years of neglect are starting to show. You might not like the way I wrote Sirius here but I wanted angst so yeah. And I appropriated the ‘after all this time’ quote and used it correctly I think. Wolfstar FTW.

There was nothing Remus Lupin regretted more than letting Sirius Black go. 

Tensions ran high that Halloween of 1981. Voldemort was after James, Lily and little baby Harry. Remus and Sirius had been fighting. The former insisted that Sirius stay with the Potters that month, even during the full moon on the 13th. Remus said he would be okay. It turned into one of the worst weeks of his life. He hid away even though his friends needed him. And for that he never forgave himself. 

Twelve years later, after trying and failing to keep himself together, he finally found his other half again. But this Sirius was not the prank playing, up for anything friend he’d known in school. No, this time the tables were turned and it was Sirius that needed looking after.

“For the last time, Pads, eat the ruddy soup,” Remus said, gritting his teeth. 

Sirius was just staring at the bowl. “No one’s called me that in a long time,” he murmured to himself. Sirius had survived Azkaban, but he was still skin and bones. Also he was sometimes prone to episodes of silence and contemplation. Like he was scared to leave the world inside his head. 

Remus tried to be as patient as possible. He just wanted Sirius to start getting better faster. It pained him to see his friend- his former lover (but he couldn’t think about that now)- like this. 

“Padfoot. Come back to me, please.” Remus didn’t realize he had tears in his eyes until he felt the wetness on his cheeks. He held the spoon up in front of Sirius’ mouth, but the other male did not make any sign he’d heard or seen anything. 

He tried to think back on all the times that his mom had taken care of him when he first started changing. He’d sent an owl to her for advice, but that was just this morning so he didn’t expect a reply for awhile. If he hadn’t been so stubborn and asked sooner he might not be having this problem. 

“Sirius, love of my life, please open your mouth so I can feed this to you. It will make you feel better I promise.”

To his surprise the other man slowly did as he was asked. Remus carefully spoon-feed him, trying not to startle him lest this small victory be in vain. Sirius swallowed the food and then opened his mouth for more. This continued on until it was all gone. 

He hadn’t thought to look at the clock, but when he finally did Remus saw that two hours had passed trying to do this. It was frustrating. Not because it was “wasted time”- no time with Pads was ever wasted, but because if he’d been a better caregiver Sirius would be doing better by now.

Remus sat there at the table for awhile, wanting to say something to Padfoot, but he couldn’t form any words. Luckily the silence was broken by Harry coming into the kitchen.

“Hey, Remus, I’m leaving with Mr. Weasley to stay with them and see the Quidditch World Cup. Are you going to be okay here?”

Never in a million years would he ask Harry to stay and miss out on his favorite sport. Remus would just have to work harder while the boy was gone so next summer Sirius would be the godfather Harry needed. 

“Of course. We’ll both be fine. Sirius, Harry is leaving now. Did you say goodbye?”

Sirius blinked his eyes and after a moment seemed to register what was going on. “Let me hug you, Harry. Have a good time. Don’t worry about us. Remus is taking good care of me.” He stood up shakily and embraced his godson. After they separated Harry cast a worried glance at Remus. The other just smiled slightly in response hoping to convey they were going to be alright.

It was validating to hear that Sirius thought he was taking good care of him. Still he didn’t know where they stood. There were so many years of unspoken words and wrongs done on both sides- mainly Remus’. 

“It’s time for bed, Pads.” He took his friend by the hand and led him to the bedroom. Remus slept on the floor near Sirius’ bed so whenever he cried out in the night he’d be near by with some tea or a sleeping draught to ease him back into a restful night. Remus didn’t sleep at all, however, but he didn’t want to. He’d never needed much sleep to survive in school so what was the difference now?

“Do you need help putting on your pyjamas?” Remus asked.

Sirius shook his head no and started to take off what he had been wearing. The other male tried to avert his eyes, but he just couldn’t. It was painful to be able to see Pads’ bones through his skin and those awful tattoos that were forever marked on him. They would always be a reminder for Remus that he’d failed his closest friends that night over a decade ago. 

For some reason he was cold so he kept his jumper and jeans on. After making sure Sirius was now clothed and in bed, he began to straighten out his blankets on the floor.

“Don’t do that,” came the familiar raspy voice. 

“Don’t do what?”

“Sleep down there. Sleep with me.” Try as he might Remus could not tell if there was any longing in Sirius’ voice. His voice sounded as hallow as it ever did these days. 

“I… I can’t Sirius. Why would you want me to anyway? I… it’s all my fault.” 

“Shut the fuck up,” the other cried, shocking Remus. “You know whose fault it was and it wasn’t yours.” 

“Please, Pads, don’t get so worked up,” Remus shushed him as he sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed. “You have to know I didn’t try as much as I should have to get you out. I should have insisted that you were innocent. But after we just kept fighting I felt I didn’t even know who you were anymore.” He didn’t want to do this now, but his mouth would not cooperate and stop talking. “I am the worst person ever. I can never make it up to you.”

“Moony, do me a favor and stop talking okay?” The man’s thin fingers brushed aside Remus’ hair so he could place a small kiss there. “I still fucking love you. You’re the only thing that kept me going. I knew that if I could get out I could prove to you that I was innocent.”

Remus could have turned into a puddle of mush right then and there at being called Moony again. And Pads still loved him. After all this time. 

Sirius continued on, “I’m sorry I’m still not right in the head. It comes and goes. But right now I’m pretty lucid so I know a way you can make it up to me…” 

All of a sudden Sirius’ lips were on his. It was a familiar and a strange feeling all at once. His first and only love was now back in his arms and Remus had to try to push his guilty feelings aside so he could enjoy it. 

He let the other man lead the way as they both stripped each other of their clothes. It wasn’t until Padfoot whispered, “Fuck me,” in his ear that Remus finally felt he could take control. 

Something stopped him though. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted, realizing the other man was still very fragile. 

“I want it to hurt. I want to feel something again. I want to feel you inside of me.”

Remus felt his already stiff cock go harder if that was possible. He took a deep breath to steady himself as he got Sirius ready for his cock. 

Alternating his tongue and his fingers he coaxed his lover’s opening wider and wider. He hadn’t done this in so long, but it was as if they’d never stopped. His hands knew every inch of Sirius’ body better than his own. There were spots he knew where the other was particularly sensitive, so he paid careful attention to those. He was rewarded from those deep moans from the dark-haired male he so loved. 

“Are you ready, baby?”

“Yes, please.” Now Remus could hear the longing in his voice. Merlin, that was enough to make him cum right then. 

Slowly he entered Sirius’ tight hole. The other’s body constricted around his member and made him groan with pleasure. “Fuck!” he cried out, pumping in and out of the other man. One of his hands gripped the other’s hip and the other hand fondled Sirius’ balls. He leaned forward to kiss along his boney spine, which made him thrust harder thinking the more pleasure he gave his lover the more he’d be able to make up for all the wrong that was done. 

“Moony,” Sirius huffed, clearly out of breath. “I’m going to cum, please for the love of Merlin stroke my dick.”

He didn’t have to be told twice. The thrusts eased up as Remus concentrated on his lover’s member. The precum wet his hand, but not enough so he sucked his fingers trying to get them as soaked as possible for Sirius’ comfort. 

“Are you close, baby?”

“Mmhmm.” Was all Sirius could manage. 

Sure enough Remus’ hand was dripping with cum. He sucked his fingers again, wanting to taste his lover again after so long. 

“Moony, are you going to cum inside me or what?” the other asked. There was a hint of his old teasing in his voice which made Remus smile.

“You know I will, baby.” It only took a few more thrusts for him to finish. He was so exhausted, but his first instinct was to take care of his Padfoot. 

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s take a bath and get you cleaned up.”

“Only if you join me…”

“Of course I will.”

They walked hand in hand toward the bathroom. Sirius sat on the edge of the tub while Remus started warming up the water. A silence fell between them, but it didn’t feel like one of the silences where he was in danger of losing Pads again. 

The tub was full in no time and both men were settled in. Of course it had to be magicked to make it bigger as both guys were quite tall. Remus leaned agains the back of the tub and pulled Sirius into him. Using some shampoo he lathered the other’s dark locks like he had been doing so often recently. This time was different though as he was able to kiss the few freckles that Sirius had on his shoulder while doing this task. He could feel him relax into his touch. 

After rinsing Sirius’ hair the pair dried off and went back to bed. 

“Remus, I’m sorry we fought. If we had only known…”

“I know, Pads, but we didn’t know. We had no idea what would happen. But do you think we can rebuild this? Rebuild our relationship?”

There was a pause during which Remus had to hold his breath. Did Sirius not want him after all?

“I know we can. You just have to be patient with me as I recover.”

“Always.”


End file.
